Saturday was that day :( We were at a wedding and he was trying with everything to smile and have fun. I knew something was wrong but wanted to let him tell me what was up. He only had a few beers which was my first clue. Weekends are when he allows himself to have a beer or 2 but I am quickly learning it's more at home now.
We had fun in the photo booth and then when a slow song came on, he asked me to dance. We stepped onto the dance floor and he said that he wanted to dance with his wife while he still could. My heart broke to hear him say that. I started crying and asked why he would say that. Come to find out he was struggling with the idea that he has MS all day and didn't say anything until that moment. The depression of the disease hit him hard and has him wondering where he will end up.
It is all being caused by his awareness of his body. His hand eye coordination is not quite right, he said he is losing faith that his eye will ever get better and when we were dancing I noticed that his balance was off. He sways a bit but I was able to redirect. I can't tell him I understand, I can't tell him that it will all be okay and I can't fix it. All I can do is hold his hand, stand next to him and be there. It breaks my heart because I am a fixer. I want to make everything better! This I can't fix :( all we can do is adapt.
Things happen that we don't have answers for. I have more and more desire to find a way to do something....someway. I think if I have the productivity it may help. It's crazy how much MS can be on my brain sometimes....wondering.....waiting
I guess we will find out more in March when he has his next MRI.
Have a great day everyone!
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