Wondering...

I know that everyone wants to hear good news when they read this but if I weren't honest it would not be worth writing. 

What I mean by this statement, is we are thinking that Hubby is starting another attack. We are not sure but as the days go by the symptoms are starting to line up. He has been exhausted for about 2 weeks, his eye is messing up, the fantastic mood swings are back and his classic memory symptoms are presenting with disorientation/confusion. The MS Society released an article last week about mood swings and it was amazing to read. It sounds funny but it was a light shown on major part of his current symptoms. Don't get me wrong, as you all might know he is not known for being a patient person by any means, but now there is more to it. One minute he is the happy go lucky guy we all know and love, and the next something triggers him which launches him into a completely different mood. It is generally something that makes him mad that triggers the change but instead of just being angry, the reaction now is almost rage. He catches himself which is great and when he is crabby he is able to recognize it to talk himself down. Let me point out that the rage is NEVER directed at me or at the dog. I don't want anyone to think he flys off his rocker! It's nothing like that. Now the crabby part, unfortunately because I am his wife and the one that is with him, I am the one that gets to tell him to knock it off.

The article refers to the hippocampus which is a major part of the limbic system. It is responsible for emotions and memories, and if one is to get a new lesion on the hippocampus it can/will cause mood swings, memory issues and emotional regulation issues. Yahtzee...

The other part I am going to watch closely is the confusion. This one may be a reason to reach out to the neurologist actually. Hubby told me he was running errands and knew what store he had to go to but had to step by step process how to get there. He said he was a bizarre feeling of disorientation. He made it without issues and I am glad. I am hoping this is just a sign of the attack that's coming or he's in one now and we have no definition of how to tell the difference realistically. 

I can tell you that Hubby is not too happy about this idea. It's truly bothering him that he just had one 4 months ago. I know that they can be caused by trauma or going through something so I am wondering if him having that stomach bug caused him to launch into another one? I don't know....all I know is this makes me a bit uneasy. I told him last night that no matter what we will do it together. The concern at this point is if it was not caused by the stomach virus, that he will have 3 per year. That will more than likely cause for a medicine change which may not be the worst idea since the injections still hurt and are leaving marbles under his skin. He has not injected his legs since we met with his nurse and he still has perma- bruises on his thighs that we are still praying go away. 

I will keep everyone posted :) it is a way of communication, but this is also my way of getting some of it out of my brain. I have to remember that even though I am not directly affected, I am going through this too. 

Thank you all for continuing to think about him :) Happy Monday 

Start of 2014

Happy New Year! It has been a while since I posted and I apologize for it. Realistically life has just been plugging along which is a good thing. To be honest, Hubby has stated that he's not all that confident that too many people even read this anymore. Either way, it is still a great way to keep everyone updated that is interested.

At his last neurology appointment we were told that we needed to get flu shots so we did. The important piece of the flu shot is for the nasty, knock you out for a week, would rather choose death kind of flu and not the 24-48 hour stomach bug that seems to be around. This was a defining moment for us because we both got the bug. On Christmas Day we flew to Florida to have Christmas with his mom and family. As a side note, I was really nervous about the weather causing issues for him but being this time of year it proved to not be a problem. Anyway, when we arrived, we were all in a condo together and the family started to get sick. It was the flu bug and not the influenza but even still it was knocking everyone out one by one. Hubby and I did what we could to enjoy Daytona Beach, including the day that Hubby did the Nascar experience at the track. (The smile on his face was unforgettable when he got out of the car) We were there from Wednesday to Sunday and by Saturday night we were still holding strong. At midnight I lost the battle and hubby got sick about 4 am. Being that we were suppose to fly out, we got up and got ready but my mother in law decided that hubby was too sick and called the airline. Did you know they they won't let you fly sick but require you to go to urgent care to have doctors documentation? It's not surprising I guess but it was a bit of a pain when it happened. Ultimately we were thankful because by the time we got back to the condo hubby was drained and commented that he didn't think he would have made it through the day of flying. After a day of sleeping, we were able to fly out the next day. The fear was that since he has MS that he wouldn't be able to recover as well as the rest of us. It ended up that We were the least sick of everyone in the condo. It was miserable don't get me wrong but he proved that he takes care of himself and was able to recover. He made it through with no issues other than being drained energy wise longer than the rest of us. Whew! 

Knowing that it was time to write again, I asked him if there was anything he wanted me to say for him. A little side note if you will. He's not a man of many words, but this is from him. 

"Thank you to everyone for the support. I have come to terms much better over the last few months and while everyone moves forward, I am ultimately still the guy with MS. I run to ensure that I still have full use of all 4 limbs in 20 years. I take my injections everyday and no matter how much they suck, it's my reality. The only physical signs I really experience are my left eye, which is 90% healed and my lack of balance. My wife points out that I still run and she's right but if I am standing still and try to pick something up off the floor, or make a 180 degree turn in place, that's when I am reminded. Please don't feel sorry for me. I am a fighter but I still have my dark moments when I ask "why me?" I have a great support system and I move forward every day. You want honest though? It really sucks when people ask "Do you remember?" Or I hear "how can you not remember?" Yep, I don't remember. I laugh it off sometimes but other times I get mad and walk away. I don't expect people to understand but if you couldn't remember things you knew you should, wouldn't you be frustrated? Again, don't feel bad for me. Don't think I am dying, don't worry that I am going to be in a wheelchair, just don't. I don't want to be treated any different and I surely don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. If it it has to be me, it is up to me. Thank you to everyone that still reads this and thank you to everyone that has registered for the walk in April."

We were suppose to go to an MS benefit over the weekend but Mother Nature had other ideas. We are looking forward to trying to attend an event to support others but I can tell that Hubby is nervous about the idea of meeting people in wheelchairs or using walkers.  I am encouraging that he will see more people that are like him and not to worry. MS is different for everyone and I am sticking to the fact that we have to follow through everyday with just him. We will take each situation as it comes and what will be will be. We will do it together. 

Hubby admitted to me that there's a lot he doesn't tell me. He doesn't want to depress me. Hearing that he keeps things to himself hurt worse than talking through things or being part of his support system. It's a large part the process but as we move forward I truly hope he realizes that by talking about it and telling me what is going on, it will help him emotionally and honestly will help me too. Writing this blog is really the only time I express what I am thinking. Evidentially we are both going through the plug of life and trying to almost ignore the MS by establishing life all over again. Here's to a happy and healthy 2014!